Restless

Some nights, I just have trouble getting to sleep. Probably a couple of nights a week. It's not that I worry at night - it's just ideas seem to manifest in large numbers around those times.
***I wouldn't say that I'm not one for reflecting on the past, as I do seem to do it with some regularity. But I always remain very focused on the future, and it often is a dissatisfaction with the present that can keep me driven. So, when I reflect, I think that its to sort of remind myself of what I've accomplished thus far.

I'd say there are very few moments in the day when New and Used Records does not weigh heavily on my mind. While I'm proud of what we've accomplished this year, the pleasure of a successful show or magazine feature tends to be somewhat fleeting. What keeps me excited is always the prospect of something in the future.

I'm not entirely sure what would be the most satisfying thing that could happen for the label. I have this feeling that any success would only fuel my desire more for something bigger. I have lofty goals for 2008 and, thankfully, I think I've started the new year off strong.

A great deal of my label work seems to entail sending emails to people, and so a great deal of my life entails waiting to receive emails. I find myself checking email constantly throughout the day. If you write me an email, chances are I'll respond in a matter of minutes. But one of my resolutions is to step up the face-to-face networking, since (no matter how much we are in a digital age) music is still a face-to-face business. I want to really build personal connections with writers, promoters, record store clerks, radio programmers and so on, as I think that is what will ultimately prove effective in getting the brand names (Passionistas, N&UR) out there. In fact, I've been doing a fair amount of that over the past couple of weeks.

I'm a pretty confident person - even at my most insecure, I've always felt as though I've had what it takes to pull through. I'm confident in the Passionistas, which is why it is actually kind of startling (also frustrating) to find that others may not share my same opinion of them. If I was in the band, then my ego would cloud any hope for objectivity, but I consider myself an objective listener. In fact, I heard the record, loved it, and then started the label. So, to find out someone doesn't love the record, too, sets me back a bit. That being said, I've come to develop a better sense of who would like the record and who might not. So, if anybody has an address for Jack White, let me know - I think he'd like this record.

So, maybe patience is the key - patience for that radio play, patience for that opening gig for a national headliner - but I've just never been good at that. I'll wait if I have to, but I also need to stay active. I guess for me, the feeling of success comes through the work itself, not any reward. New and Used Records is what I do in my free time, so all I can do is be restless and anxious for the next thing to happen.

Note: The photo at the top is from my favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode - entitled "Restless." I thought it would fit given the title of this post.