Worst Christmas Song Ever?

In November 1979, Paul McCartney released a Christmas single - "Wonderful Christmastime" b/w "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reggae." I have never heard "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reggae," but I think the title speaks for itself. I have have however heard "Wonderful Christmastime" - and I will explain why it earns the title of "Worst Christmas Song Ever." (Note: It is deserving of such a title, but because of it, I am oddly drawn to it, much like I am to Ruben Studdard's "Sorry 2004") I am in no way questioning Sir Paul's musical talents. He was a key member of the greatest band ever, wrote some great pop songs, and can play pretty much any instrument. That being said, he got lazy when it came to this jingle.

The song begins with the awful sounds of a synthesizer, which sounds like Paul hitting the keyboard just to hear what it sounds like. Then a slight drum and some jingling bells accompany the synth and I am inclined to think that Paul had recently purchased a Casio keyboard at a garage sale and this is what played when he hit the demo button. As Paul begins singing, the beat never, ever changes from that synth. He begins singing and the lyrics are, well, rubbish: "The moon is right/The spirits up/We're here tonight/And that's enough/Simply having a wonderful christmastime," and Paul follows this same structure for the entire song - stringing together four lines that sort of rhyme and kind of have something to do with Christmas. I'm guessing he was drunk and wrote this about five minutes before he recorded it.

After the second verse, there is a psuedo chorus, where Paul sings, "The choir of children sing their song," and then he and Linda in squeaky, high pitched voices sing, "Ding dong, ding dong, Ding dong, ding ohhhh, Ohhhhhhh." When he returns to these pseudo chorus later in the song, he sings, "The choir of children sing their song/They practiced all year long," and he is saying that it took them all year to learn, "Ding dong, ding dong, Ding dong, ding ohhhh, Ohhhhhhh." What kind of lazy ass chorus is this, and what kind of Christmas song goes, "Ding dong, ding dong, Ding dong, ding ohhhh, Ohhhhhhh."

In the last verse, Paul sings, "The word is out/About the town/To lift a glass/Ahhh don't look down." DON'T LOOK DOWN!?! What does that even mean, besides the fact that 'down' rhymes with 'town.' Here's what I think: Paul's people were like, "Hey man, you should do a Christmas song. People will buy anything with your name on it." And he was like, "Well I was talking to this crazy guy on the bus and he was like, 'The party's on/The feelin's here/That only comes/This time of year.' I think I'll use that."

The whole thing feels a bit disingenuous. If Paul's Christmastime is so wonderful, then why did he write such a terrible song about it. Its kind of disguised, but I would say there is more than a hint of saddness in that song. I can actually remember the first time I ever heard this song. I was young (and way into the Beatles, and way into Christmas oldies). It was kinda late and it came on the oldies radio and I was like, "Is this Paul McCartney? This is the worst Christmas song I've ever heard." Even then I had taste, and that was when I thought "Run Run Rudolph" was a kick-ass song.

This video is quite disturbing as well...

Bryan Adams Wishes You A "Reggae Christmas"

Like Joe Strummer before him, Bryan Adams thought he could be that white rock star who introduces reggae to the ignorant masses. Combine a Pee Wee Herman appearance, and the video for "Reggae Christmas" is embarrassingly priceless. It's also the best arguement against globalization that I've ever seen.

Flaming Lips Celebrate Christmas

A couple of classics to put you in that holiday spirit...

"Christmas at the Zoo"


"White Christmas"


Bonus: Flaming Lips' Christmas on Mars Trailer

The Lights Are Coming On Now

It's taken a little while longer this year, but I have succumbed to the holiday spirit. I've been sucking down Starbuck's Peppermint Mochas for a few weeks now, but it was not until today that I sat down and completed my annual Christmas mix CD. When it comes to modern day Christmas songs, I've got a few favorites - and then I track a few new ones down each year. This year's mix has a little bit of both.

Undoubtedly, my favorite Holiday tune is "The Christmas Song" by The Raveonettes. Not to be confused with "chestnuts roasting on an open fire," the Raveonettes jingle is an original built around sleigh bells and those tight Jesus and Mary Chain-like harmonies. In fact, this song easily distances itself from novelty value and I've been known to bring it out a few times long after the holiday has passed. On the subject of "novelty value," that's really the only way to justify The Killers new charity single, "Don't Shoot Me Santa Claus." At least it's for a good cause.


Look back a bit into the late nineties, and you will uncover a Smashing Pumpkins Christmas classic, "Christmastime." This one is earnest nostalgia, free of irony and far superior to the band's new "reunion" material. Also fun and nostalgic is Low's "Just Like Christmas" which has found it's on to virtually every recent holiday collection. I've just uncovered a take on "White Christmas" from the Pipettes, which is maybe not quite as bouncy as you would hope for from these girls - but still a good tune for the middle of your mix. Also new discoveries for me are Erlend Oye's briliant (and earnest) take on "Last Christmas" and a hilarious Neko Case tune - "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis."

Sadly, there just isn't much out there in the world of Christmas rap, with the exception of some explicit Snoop Dogg tunes from his Death Row days. Really, though, you have to dig back to the eighties, where the crown is still held by Run-DMC's memorable contributions - "Christmas in Hollis" and "It's Christmas." I prefer the latter, as "Hollis" (video below) is a bit played out for my taste. Other way, both fit nice on a compilation.


Sometimes the holidays lead some to get political - Rufus Wainwright's "Spotlight on Christmas" teeters on the verge of self-rightousness, but it has a good bounce to it and his point is well taken. "A Change at Christmas (Say It Isn't So)" by The Flaming Lips is a touch more effective, with Wayne Coyne pleading for that kindness and generosity of the holidays not to disappear in the following months.

Of course, it's also a rather depressing and melancholy time, and thankfully there are plenty of songs out there to capture this. Conor Oberst sounds though he could break down at any minute for crooning "Have Yourself a Merry Little Chirstmas" for Bright Eyes' now out-of-print Christmas album. I much prefer his take to Chris Martin's widely circulated performance. Skip Bright Eyes' "Blue Christmas" - I just never cared much for that song. I have long despised Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" (now I appreciate it's "so bad it's good"-ness), but Tom McRae managed to brilliantly find the sad longing in the tune. McRae can make virtually anything sound depressing, and he achieves this magnificently with his cover. Equally sad is Rilo Kiley's "X-Mas Cake." It's completely joyless - all about sleeping in your car and "wrapping presents in the car" because you couldn't afford the electric bill.

And what else am I missing ... I just found Arab Strap's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" - easily my favorite version of the song- and a terrific downer! Also new to me: Nellie McKay's "Christmas Dirge" - and frankly I cannot think of another person more fitting to perform a song with that title. Also worth a download: Sufjan Stevens' "Get Behind Me Santa" (one of his far too numerous Christmas originals), Feist's "Lo, How A Rose E're Blooming", "Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End)" by the Darkness and -of course - how can I forget my second favorite ... Badly Drawn Boy's "Donna and Blitzen" which you may recall from the closing credits of About a Boy.

I do not have the time to post the MP3s, but if you're dedicated to some searching, you can find most of them on Hype Machine. The mix CD over at The Late Greats is certainly worth a download as well, as it includes several of these.

Bowie Sunday - The Snowman

That David Bowie/Bing Crosby clip is pretty inescapable this time of year, but I wanted to find a different Bowie holiday clip for this Christmas Eve.

When I was a child, The Snowman was one of my favorite holiday stories. I had a book, a doll - but most importantly, a television version my mom had recorded which I watched every holiday season. The music is lovely, and the tale is kind of a heartbreaker - one of those genuine Christmas stories from the days before Hollywood got hung up on bad Dr. Seuss remakes and Santa Clause sequels. For those of you who have a similar memory, or those of you who have never seen it, here's the intro to The Snowman - featuring David Bowie. Enjoy - it's a real treat!