Two Candidates for Worst Song of 2007

So, 2007 has brought has great music ... and some not-so-great music. Hear are two songs in the running for our Worst Song of the Year...

"Same Girl (remix)" R. Kelly featuring T-Pain

I was pretty psyched to find out there was a remix single to R. Kelly’s “Same Girl” out. I mean, the original was classic with a brilliant video, and R. Kelly’s remixes are usually better than their predecessors. This time, however, the magic just isn’t there. First off, despite the fact that Kells and Usher found out they were dating the same girl in the original, they in fact bonded over it buddy comedy style, eventually hatching a revenge plan together. T-Pain, on the otherhand, sounds downright depressed, almost homicidal.

First T-Pain comes on like he’s been overhearing the conversation and says that the other guys don’t know him, which can’t be true because he and R were just clubbing together in the “I’m a Flirt (Remix)” video. Then he asks if she has a crib by the waffle house, which leads me to wonder if it isn’t possible that there is more than one “waffle house”? Then he asks R if she was doing that thing “with her mouth.” R says yes. Then T-Pain asks, “Best sex in your life?” When R says yes, T-Pain concludes this must be his wife. So, let’s recap – because this woman lives by the waffle house (the only one!), does something with her mouth (we’ll assume it’s sexual), and is a dynamite sexual partner, then she must be T-Pain’s wife. His wife, I should add, that he does not live with. This is dangerous territory for anyone to be stepping because we all know that the “best sex” for R. Kelly seems to be.

This remix sucks and I am going to place the blame on T-Pain for this one. It was somewhat believable that Kells and Usher could be dating the same girl, but T-Pain as well? Besides, T-Pain’s sequel totally breaks continuity with the original and sucks all the fun out of it. And the girls still twins? Triplets? I give credit to Kells for trying to save the rest of the remix, but it just isn’t happening with this one. Should’ve left it how it was or just done a remake, if you ask me.

"Rockstar," Nickelback

You know what I despise – songs about wanting to be famous sung by those who are already really famous. OK, David Bowie’s “Fame” is pretty good, as is “Drive My Car” by the Beatles – but as of late, no one’s really bringing anything new to the topic. The most recent entrant into this most phoned-in of song genres is Nickelback. Now, Nickelback is a pretty easy target – and a vast array of crap could find its way into a “Worst Song” box set. Nonetheless, they still manage to annoy me.

Let's take a quick look at the lyrical genuis: "Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars/ And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars/ The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap/ We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just won’t eat/ And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars/ In the VIP with the movie stars/ Every good gold digger’s/ Gonna wind up there/Every Playboy bunny/ With her bleach blond hair/ Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar." The video also stars an array of ordinary folk alongside celebrities (Kid Rock, Gene Simmons, Nelly Furtado, Wayne Gretsky?) lip-synching the song. I don't blame any of them for appearing the video because I would have to if they asked me.

First off, you’ve heard this shit before – the same goofy cliches sung over the simplest of tunes, winking and nudging at you because it all seems silly, yet the dude singing actually gets to live this lifestyle. At the same time, Nickelback appeals most to the down-home, red-meat eating, Republican-voting, Hollywood-hating base. This is just an easy tactic for them to distance themselves from the so-called “elite” and portray themselves just as average dudes, without so much of a clue about what goes on in “Hollywood.” This is the same kind of shit like when they tried to portray Bush as an “everyman” Texan rancher. Though I guess the video do make me happy to see the Kid Rock can still find work.