The Diddy Show

hosted by Diddy
and featuring Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas
(announcer and leader of the band)

Will.I.Am: Live from New York ... it's the Diddy Show.

(Band begins playing "My Humps")

Will.I.Am: Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? Well, you should put that junk into storage and Ace Self Storage is the way to go. They've got 7 day access, heated units, as well as discount packing materials, and locations all over the country. Check them out on the web - aceselfstorage.com. And now, here's your host, Diddy.


Diddy: Hey America, it's your boy Diddy. I just loved hosting rap battles so much, I made some calls and got my own talk show. You may be asking yourself - How does Diddy have time to host a talk show? He already has three television programs - Making the Band 3, Run's House, and Bad Boys of Comedy; he's got his label, Bad Boy, his clothing line, Sean John; not to mention the occasional acting role, like Carlito's Way: Rise to Power, now on DVD. Hey, I'm Diddy, and I work hard, I play hard, and I got my own talk show. Besides, if Tony Danza gets his own daytime talk show, why not Diddy? I got the best guests - tonight, Gavin Rossdale and Bono. Plus, I got a hot band, the Will.I.Am 17. Play us something boys.

(Band begins playing "Where is the Love")

Will.I.Am: Father, Father, Father help us, Send some guidance from above 'Cause people got me, got me questionin,' Where is the love? If you are asking where is the love, you need to try online dating. Match.com is the world's largest online dating personals service. Sign up now to start finding singles in your area. Diddy?

Diddy: Thanks, man. Alright, let's get things started. B.I.G. Ok, let me take my sunglasses off, get a little more personal with y'all. My first guest is a real rock star, Gavin Rossdale.

(Gavin Rossdale enters, sits down)

Diddy: 'Sup Gavin.

Gavin: Hey Diddy, happy to be here.

Diddy: Now, Gavin, you are married to Gwen Stefani.

Gavin: Yep.

Diddy: That's cool. Now, when did you first hear "Hollaback Girl"?

Gavin: Um, I'm not sure. I think she played it for me along with some other -

Diddy: That song is sexy. I gotta sample that beat. Did you think it was going to be the hit that it was?

Gavin: Um, well, I thought she'd be successful. We support each-other in everything -

Diddy: Because I heard "Hollaback Girl" almost didn't make it on the album. I hope that wasn't your idea.

Gavin: Um, well, you know - I thought I was on this show to talk about my career.

Diddy: Now, this is the Diddy Show. You can get your own show. But, ok, what's going on with you?

(Gavin gets excited)

Gavin: Well, I've got this band Institute.

Diddy: Yeah, when's your album drop?

Gavin: Well, it came out last year - on September 15.

Diddy: Oh.

(Awkward silence)

Gavin: And I was in Constantine.

Diddy: Didn't see it. Ok my next guest is a legend - Bono.

(Bono enters, sits down. He is wearing sunglasses)

Diddy: Why don't you take the sunglasses off. Get a little more personal.

Bono: No

(Bono speaks in slow, pretensious tone)

Diddy: Cool. Now, your rock band u2 just won a load of Grammys.

Bono: I don't really like being called a rock band. I would say, that we are more like Irish folk with a contemporary rock spin on the classic rock sound - but, then again, sometimes, we have a song like "Vertigo" which just makes you want to crash your car into a department store.

Diddy: Cool. Now, I heard you're going to sing with the band.

Bono: I'm going to sing one of your classics.

Diddy: Yeah?

(Bono looks at the band. They start playing "Mo Money, Mo Problems." Sting and Paul McCartney come onstage and being singing, as well).

Will.I.Am, Bono, Paul McCartney and Sting: I don't know what they want from me, it's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.

Will.I.Am: If you are singing that song, then you need some financial advice. You need to talk to my man Aaron William in East Chatham, NY. He will help you get your finances on track. Call him at (518) 794-#### and tell him Will.I.Am sent you. Peace.

Diddy: That's the end of the Diddy Show. Tune in next week - same Diddy time, same Diddy channel.

::3 Related Links::
1:Paul McCartney, What the Fuck
2:My Beef with Will.I.Am
3:Defeating Kevin Federline in a Freestyle Battle