The Worst Song Ever

"For the first time in their relationship - in ANY relationship - Chaz had heard the most hollow and dreaded of consolations: 'Don't worry, baby, it happens to everybody.' In a panic, he'd dragged Ricca to a nearby music store and purchased a replacement copy of George Thorogood's greatest hits, to no avail. Even digitally remastered, 'Bad to the Bone' could not rally Chaz's bone to its usual badness." - Carl Hiaasen, "Skinny Dip."



In Carl Hiaasen's "Skinny Dip," the villain, Chaz, is feeling a little uncomfortable with his masculinity. Thinking he has killed his wife, Chaz returns to life at home with his mistress, where he unfortunately cannot maintain an erection. He searches for his George Thorogood CDs (his "kick ass driving music"), but they are nowhere to be found. His wife has stolen them - just one of her tricks to unnerve him, before she reveals the fact that she survived.

Hiassen is using Thorogood - and "Bad to the Bone" (download MP3) in particular - as a means of constructing Chaz as an insecure and un-slick man who is overcompensating for a lack of actual masculinity. And that is exactly what Thorogood's infamous song is a symbol of. (Hiaasen contrasts this with Mick Stanahan, a Neil Young fan who aids Chaz's wife Joey).

I first came into contact with "Bad to the Bone" when I was very little and heard it in the trailer for "Problem Child." The opening guitar lick (that "da na na na na na") was used to build tension in the trailer before revealing that this was about a kid. The use of the song sent the message to children that this kid was "badass," but told their parents he wasn't so bad that they couldn't tale their kids to see it. Using a song by Guns 'n Roses, AC/DC, Black Sabbath or Metallica (early stuff) would not have given this same message.

Beyond the fact that "Bad to the Bone," symbolizes "faux badness" or half-assed "punk posturing," it sounds awful beginning to end. The guitar lick is just cheesy and then it just get worse once Thorogood starts singing. "On the day I was born," he sings, letting you know he is unashamed to be totally ripping off Bo Diddley's "I'm a Man," which is, incidentally, a hell of a lot more masculine. He continues, "The nurses all gathered 'round/ And they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found/ The head nurse spoke up, and she said leave this one alone/ She could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone." Individuals who are actually really bad (Al Capone, Charles Manson, George W. Bush) do not spend a lot of time telling people that they are "bad." They instead do "bad" things that lead others to describe them as such. Singing a song about being "bad" does not make you bad; it actually makes you seem disingenuous. This distrust that Thorogood builds leads one to believe that when he sings about breaking hearts, he is actually trying to hide the fact that he has repeatedly had his heart broken.

The chorus is really where Thorogood takes home the prize. I imagine against the advice of everyone who heard the song
George decided it would be a good idea to repeatedly sing, "bubba bubba bad." If not for repeated use of "bubba bubba" Thorogood may not have endeared himself to children everywhere.

The rest of Thorogood's collection isn't too much better. You can find the cliff notes on the perfectly titled "The Baddest of George Thorogood and the Destroyers," which kicks off with "Bad to the Bone" before moving on to a number of covers. In the customer reviews section of the iTunes Music Store, Andrew S. gives it five stars and writes, "George Thorogood is a bad-as*. If you don't buy this album, it's because you aren't hardcore enough to listen to GT's awesome music." I imagine he's kidding ... or just overcompensating.