A Special Message From Chuck Norris

I received an email this morning from Chuck Norris ... Well I think it was from Chuck Norris. Either way, I don't agree with his viewpoint, but in the interest of remaining "fair and balanced," I decided to print it:

Dear Will:

This is Chuck Norris, and no, I am not here to try and sell you the Total Gym workout machine, even though it is the best workout machine on the market. I am here for a different reason. When you think of Chuck Norris, you probably think six-time undefeated World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Champion and star of "Walker, Texas Ranger." As Walker, a Texas ranger, I spent a lot of time bringing down the bad guys and I feel that the show reflected the spirit of America. It also reflected a code I live by - the cowboy code. Whether I am starring in a film, attending church, or karate-chopping drugs out of America, I live by the cowboy code. Walker always wore his cowboy hat - the universal symbol that you respect and honor the cowboy code.

Yet, last night when I watched the Golden Globes I saw a celebration in defiance of the cowboy code. I am talking about the film "Brokeback Mountain," which won Best Picture (Drama) and Best Director. The film is about two so-called cowboys who fall in love. Two men in love is not a part of the cowboy code. The cowboy, whether it was John Wayne or the cowboy from the Village People, was a real man's man. He intimidated others, defended his family, and could cook a mean steak. These guys do not seem like real cowboys.

I am afraid that this film is going to cause misconceptions about cowboys. There is a scene in the film where Heath Ledger's wife suspects that her husband is lying when he says he and Jake Gylenhall are going fishing. Instead of fishing - which is a real cowboy thing to do - they go and have sex. Sometimes Clarence Gilyard - who played my partner, Trivette on "Walker, Texas Ranger" - and I like to go fishing. And when we say we are going fishing, we are going fishing. However, after people see this movie, they are going to think that when I say, "Clarence and I are going fishing," that means that me and my partner are going to have sex.

What hurts me the most is that when Ang Lee one for Best Director, the award was presented to him by Clint Eastwood - one of the original cowboys. Clint, from one cowboy to another, I am seriously beginning to question your commitment to the cowboy code. Cowboys everywhere should be worried. I am calling for a boycott of this film. Call your theaters and tell them you only want to see films that respect the cowboy code - like my new film, "Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire." Its about Walker after a Korean crime syndicate and on the trail of a puzzling murder where the prime suspect is a Texas Ranger. The Korean criminals are after a young boy named Jeremy Hopkins, in search of a high tech computer chip named the Mark V. It is a real cowboy movie. There aren't any scenes of me and another man having sex. Sure, sometimes when Clarence and I go fishing we take our shirts off - it gets hot in Texas. And maybe, we compliment each-other's physique. Is there anything wrong with that? And maybe Clarence will comment how my tight Wrangler jeans compliment my well-defined butt. That's ok, too. That's what us manly men do when we get together.

Will, please share this with your blog readers. We must preserve the cowboy code.

Sincerely,

Chuck Norris
Six-time undefeated World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Champion

P.S. I saw this poster the other day and I do not find it funny.