My Beef with Will.I.Am

In early November, I wrote a very critical letter to Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas. Well, I didn't write it to him directly, but I posted it on my MySpace page - which I know he checks. After much silence, he has finally responded to me. In my original letter, I wrote:




Dear Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas,

I have a couple of bones to pick with you, but I am going to be brief about this one. Now I do not have a record deal or even an underground following, and I know you yourself have been around a number of hip hop scenes, but if your recent shameless leap into music that is totally commercial and totally shitty has clouded your memory let me remind you of one thing:

There are very few, and I mean very few, circumstances in which it is ok to rhyme a word with itself. Yet you, my namesake, have been found guilty of this on more than one occasion. On "Sexy" from "Monkey Business," you rapped: "U take me to ecstasy/Without takin ecstasy/Its exactly like ecstasy/When u layin right next to me." You broke the rule twice in the same verse. On "My Humps" say, "I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight." This is ridiculous – not too mention gross. If you cannot find a similar sounding word to end a line, then the whole line has got to go.

There are only rare circumstances in which you can get away with this -- if the word has a double meaning AND if you change the emphasis when you use it the second time: For example, on "Never Let Me Down," from "The College Dropout," Kanye West raps, "I can't complain about what the crash did to my left eye/'Cause look what the crash did to Left Eye." In this case, left eye the first time is referring to his left eye, while the second time it is referring to Left Eye from TLC who tragically died in a car crash. Kanye changes the tone of how he says "Left Eye," thus letting you know that he is clued into the fact that he has used the phrase again; it sounds clever. However, when you say the word again in the same tone, you do not sound clever, just not very bright. So please Will.I.Am, for the sake of students everywhere, please find words to rhyme.

Sincerely yours,

Will


Now, Will.I.Am has responded, telling MTV that I should not question his skills: "I'm a battle MC, don't forget it [Will Benham]. Yeah, we on the radio, but I eat a lot of n----as up. My roots are as a backpack parking-lot rapper. ... I got signed by Eazy-E in 1991 just by freestyling ... But at the same time, I love the art form of writing songs. A lot of MCs don't practice that art form of songwriting structure, cadences, melody and whatnot, so I honor that art form and it's gonna be on my solo project as well."

Well, Will.I.Am, I happen to be a bit of a battle rapper myself - you saw what I did to Kevin Federline. As for the Will.I.Am solo project, it does not appear to be a disgustingly shameless bid for pop success - however that is always a possibility when the Peas are involved. Will.I.Am says, "People [like Will Benham] say 'sellout.' That's one thing I don't get. That's some dumb sh--, because it's like we ain't frontin'. I ain't got crazy gold or being something that I'm not. A sellout is somebody who's one way with their mom, and then when they with their homies, it's some totally different dude. ... The reality is the only thing they can say about the Black Eyed Peas is 'Those dudes is all over the place,' and that all relates to the fact that we work hard. So if we're criminals for working hard, then lock me up."